If you had three wishes to use for yourself on frivolous stuff, what would you wish for? What if you had three wishes for serious stuff? (And not things like world peace, curing world hunger, and salvation for all. Because of course, we would all choose these.)
Open With Prayer
Read Lesson and Bible
Verses:
Over the years, I’m sure
we’ve all run across various issues that are “gray areas” in Scripture. These are the things that Scripture doesn’t
talk about specifically, but that each Christian needs to decide for
themselves. Ideally, we would all make
up our minds about these things and not worry about what someone else decides
about them. But the problem is that many
times, these issues can cause conflict and divisions between Christians. And that’s not good.But let’s take some time to explore various “gray areas” (or are they really more black-and-white?) and to consider what Scripture says about how to make decisions for how we live. Not everyone will come to the same conclusions about these, but talk about the ones that interest you and challenge each other to figure out your positions on them. (But do not let it turn into fights. Skip any topic that may lead to that, or that might stumble another believer. But it is my assumption that you are all mature Christians and can handle hearing different points of view on gray areas.)
1. Smoking
2. Drinking alcohol
3. Dancing
4. Watching worldly movies, even R-rated ones or
scary ones
5. Listening to mainstream music or watching
shows with questionable or ungodly content
6. Mothers: Work outside the home or stay home
with the kids?
7. Is it necessary to hold regular family
devotions?
8. Hanging out with non-believers
9. The need to confront others (believers or non-believers)
with their sins or not
10. Environmentalism and our level of
responsibility in caring for the earth
11. How much to tithe (Sometimes, we believe that
since God knows that we are struggling financially, it’s okay to not tithe. Is this okay?)
13. Participating in Halloween
14. Clothing choices – less covering or more
covering, tight or loose, one-piece or two-piece swimsuits for girls. What does “modesty” mean? How much does it matter?
15. Playing violent video games
16. Reading Harry Potter books or others like it (What's acceptable and what's not? Where do you draw the line? How do you know?)
17. Lunch dates or emailing with members of the
opposite sex when you are married to someone else
18. If you are married, what about having
separate bank accounts, email accounts, vacations, goals, pursuits, friends, etc.? [In what situations is divorce okay? Are there restrictions on divorced people? On single people?]
19. What about issues like how many possessions
you have or pursue, how big your house is, how much money you spend on
yourself, etc.?
20. A 7-day creation period or God working
through evolution?
21. A young earth or an old earth?
22. Is it okay to have gay friends or not? Is it okay to attend or participate in the gay wedding of a
friend or family member or to send a congratulations card or gift? How do you handle that? Is it okay to
welcome a gay couple to the neighborhood? (Is it okay to attend or participate in a Buddhist wedding? Or Muslim wedding or atheist wedding or whatever? Where do you draw the line?)
23. Contraception? Should we use it? Should we be allowed to make our own decision
about how many children to have, or should we allow God to set the number,
giving us as many as He wants? Is it
okay to choose to have none when God gave the command to “multiply and fill the
earth”?
24. How much to share your Christian faith at
work
25. How to share your Christian faith – quietly
living it or boldly sharing it with whoever you meet
26. Which words are inappropriate for a Christian
to say?
27. Public school, private school, or homeschool?
28. How strict we are with our kids, how we
discipline, and how much we shield our kids from the bad things in society (TV
or no TV, monitor who they are friends with, check their phones and emails,
etc.)
29. Obeying certain laws or authority figures
when it conflicts with your conscience (think up examples)
30. Which issues should we stand up for (such as
abortion, poverty, etc.) and how can we take those stands (think of more)? Which are more “live and let live” issues?
31. How much money to give to charity
32. How much of your time to give to church and
church activities
33. Does being a missionary mean
going out into the world or does it mean being a missionary wherever God has
you? (Are those who minister in their
own backyard somehow less glorifying to God than those who leave their home to
become a missionary? What does the
“Great Commission” mean? And how can we
do it?)
34. Is the death penalty acceptable or
unacceptable?
35. Should we be giving money to animal charities
when there are so many people in need?
36. Dating a non-believer or going into business
with one
37. How far should you physically go with the
person you are dating?
38. Dating or courting? (Date for fun or date only to find a spouse?) Get married young or wait till older?
39. If a good friend who is a believer wants to
marry a non-Christian, what should you do?
Should you confront them? Go to
the wedding or not go? Say
“congratulations,” say nothing, or cut off communication?
40. At what point and for what reasons should you
cut off contact with a fellow believer who is caught in sin? And when and how should grace be extended? Examples?
(There are many “Christians” who are coming out as gay or in support of
gay weddings. How should we respond to
them? Should we separate ourselves from
them or embrace them?)
41. Is eating healthy food and exercising your
body a necessary "must do," because our bodies are temples of
the Holy Spirit? Or is this
irrelevant? What does it mean to be the
“temple of the Holy Spirit” and how should that affect how we live? What
about tattoos and nose rings? Are they
ok? Eating pork or not eating pork? Should women have their heads
covered? Can they cut their hair short? Is it okay for men to have
long hair?
42. Should we force resistant kids to attend
church or other church activities? Make
them sit in adult church instead of children’s church? Sit with parents instead of with
friends? Does it matter?
43. What should you do if your grown child is
living with their boyfriend or girlfriend?
Should you invite them over as a couple?
Let them sleep in the same room?
What if they are unmarried, have a child, and need a place to live? Should you let them live with you?
44. Faith healers: real or not? Does the Bible promise healing based on
faith? Is it irresponsible to lead
hurting people to believe this? Or is it
biblically sound?
45. Do you think positive thinking attracts good
things and negative thinking attracts bad things, like we hear in some popular
teachings nowadays? Do our words and
thoughts make things happen? Or is this
an unbiblical concept?
46. What about small, white lies? “Your haircut looks nice” instead of “It
looks like an angry monkey chopped your hair with hedge-clippers”? How about “Your new baby is cute” instead of
“He looks like a shriveled potato”?
Is there ever a time to lie, out of
politeness or discretion or trying to save a life? What about Rahab in Joshua 2 when she hid Joshua’s spies and then lied to the king’s men who were looking for them, telling them that they already left the city? What about those who hid Jews from the Nazis? What if you are bringing Bibles into a country where they are banned, and the police ask you if you have any Bibles? Are lies ever okay? Under what circumstances? (Speaking of Nazis . . . Could murder ever be justified, such as if a believer had the chance to kill Hitler?)
47. Under what circumstances is “civil disobedience”
okay? Examples?
48. Should Christians vote or stay out of
politics? (Some people believe that
since God controls who leads a country, Christians should not vote because they
are interfering with His Will. Do you
think this is true?)
49. Blessings and curses that people from the Old
Testament gave their children: How do
they work? Was there really power in the
words spoken, so much so that they can’t be taken back, like the blessing that
Isaac gave Jacob instead of Esau in Gen 27? Is there still power like that in words? Can we really “bless” and “curse” our kids by
our words?
[I think it’s interesting to note
that, according to biblical research, Noah’s son, Ham, settled in Africa. And in Gen
9:25, we read a curse that
Noah put on Ham after Ham discovered him lying in his tent, naked and drunk: “Cursed be
Canaan! [“Ham was the father of Canaan,”
verse 18] The lowest of slaves will he
be to his brothers.” Was it a strange
coincidence that Africans became slaves over the course of history or could it
be that Noah’s curse actually stuck? (If
so, shame on Noah!) Is there this kind
of power in words, at least during Bible times?
I’ve always wondered about blessings and curses, and never really had a
good answer. But it does make me wonder
about the words I say, such as saying to one of my kids, “You are going to be
living in your brother’s basement because you won’t be able to get a job if you
don’t apply yourself!” If he does end up
living in his brother’s basement, I’ll feel guilty!]
50. How about confusing Bible verses:
“‘Have faith in God,’ Jesus answered. ‘I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this
mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart
but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in
prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.’“ (Mark 11:22-24. This one still gets to me. Seems so sure and possible, yet so often it
doesn’t work that way). “But I tell you that men will have to give an account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.” (Matthew 12:36. Really? Every careless word? What does it mean to “give an account”? Kinda makes me want to keep my mouth shut a lot more.)
“Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.” (Matthew 18:19. Was this only for the early church leaders or is it for us, too? If it’s for us, too, why doesn’t it always “work”? And if it doesn’t always work, why word it that way?)
“And so I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.” (Matthew 12:31-32. What does this blasphemy look like?)
“Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep.” (1 Cor. 11:27-30. Interesting. Very interesting.)
How about “submission” in Ephesians 5:22-33? What is it? What is it not? And how should we apply those verses?
Can women be pastors (1 Timothy 3)? If not, what
leadership roles can they have in church?
“For where two or three come together in my
name, there am I with them.” (Matthew 18:20) What does this verse
mean? How is He with them? Is He not with a single faithful person? Is there more “power” or “presence” when more
people are gathered than less people?
51. Or maybe don’t look at confusing, gray
verses, but at convicting verses:
“Do not let any
unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building
others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians
4:29) “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4)
52. Or maybe you can come up with some “What
would you do?” scenarios, maybe examples from your life like this one . . .
When I was taking a college class at
the community college, I found myself in one of uncomfortable situations where
I didn’t know what the “right thing to do” was.
I was in an English class, and it just so happened that one of my
younger classmates was also in my church’s youth group, where I was a
leader. The teacher had asked people to take parts in a play to be read aloud. None of us had read the piece ahead of time, but I raised my hand and was given a part. But as the play started, I looked ahead to my character’s lines . . . and I was horrified. I had been given a very sexual, immoral character. I felt a knot tighten up in my stomach. I would be saying these things in front of someone who I was trying to “live Christ” in front of. I was a leader in the youth group. People watched my life. How would this affect my witness? Sure, it might have been “just a play,” but I really saw it as an issue of integrity.
Now, I am no Mother Teresa, but (as an illustration, and forgive me for saying it) what if she once took the role of a vulgar, drug-using prostitute for a Hollywood movie? A gratuitous role with no redeeming value? Just cursing and drugs and sex? Would we think any less of her? Would our minds hold that image as we watched her serve God later? Would her integrity and witness shine as brightly if we had seen her playing out a morally-depraved character? All I could think about as I considered my character’s lines was how this young youth-group friend would hear my voice saying these immoral things, and yet later at youth group they would hear me speaking about Jesus and God with that same mouth.
It was a moral dilemma. But what could I do? The play had already started. My mind raced for an answer. And I finally settled on one. One that I really didn’t want to do.
But let me first ask, what would you have done?
Here’s what I did: As discreetly as possible, I crept up to the teacher and told her that I couldn’t do the part.
“What?” she asked me, incredulously.
“Um, I can’t read this part for . . . moral reasons. I don’t like what she’s saying,” I sheepishly whispered, as the play went on around us. And she stared at me with raised eyebrows that said, You’ve got to be kidding me? Now that’s one I’ve never heard before.
Well, as soon as my part came up, she had no choice but to read the lines for me. And I shrunk down as far as possible in my seat, as everyone looked at me like, What just happened here?
I never got a chance to explain to anyone why I did what I did, so who knows what they all thought of me. But at least I didn’t have to live with knowing that my fellow youth-grouper (or God Himself) heard me saying things that were totally contrary to my faith and walk with God. I don’t care if it was “just a play.” This was about choosing what would please God more, about honoring Him. Even if it was humiliating and uncomfortable.
How about you? Any scenarios you can think of or have experienced?
Some of these things may be more clear than others in the Word. And with some of them, it might not really make a difference what we decide about them. They might just be “gray areas” that don’t really affect us, just make us wonder. (And some people can actually get really passionate about the littler things, while failing to even think about the bigger ones.) But there are some gray issues that require us to make a decision. Because we will stand before God and give an account for how we lived and raised our kids.
And I bet that we can find godly Christians on all ends of the spectrum when it comes to most of these issues. But at some point, any gray area can slide into being unhealthy or clearly ungodly. And we should be aware of what point that is for us. We need to know when we are sliding into “sin” about a gray area.
And for many of these issues, each of us needs to be responsible to figure out our own positions before God. And then, once we do, we need to stand on those convictions before God and others. Because once God reveals what’s appropriate for us or not, we are accountable to Him for whether or not we obey.
(And when it comes to confusing Bible verses, we should do our best to learn what they really mean and how to apply them. Misunderstanding can lead to problems. Yet some of them might be “gray” on purpose. I don’t know. But there are some confusing verses that I have wrestled with for years . . . and I still don’t have an answer. Yet it’s interesting to explore them and wonder.)
Romans 14:1-23: (a few verses taken out for space)
“Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man’s faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. . . . You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. . . . So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.
Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way. . . . But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. . . . For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. . . .
Therefore let us make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification. . . . It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.
So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.”
James 4:17: “Anyone, then, who
knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.”
These verses broaden the definition
of sin. Sin is not just doing things
that we know we shouldn’t do; it’s also sin to not do what we know we should do,
to do anything that doesn’t come from faith, and to cause another brother to
stumble regardless of our views.
This gives us a lot to think about
when it comes to the gray areas and how we live out our positions on them. They challenge us with a whole new set of
responsibilities, of what God expects from those of us who call ourselves
Christians. Do we fail to do the good we should: ignoring needs that we see, turning a blind eye at injustice, failing to treat others kindly? This is sin!
And what, in our lives, are we doing that is a result of faithlessness? Do we hoard money, seek our own ways out of trials, seek to satisfy our desires outside of the boundaries God has given, fail to obey because we are afraid of what obedience will cost us? This is sin, too!
Do we confuse younger believers by flaunting freedoms that we have in Christ, when they feel convicted about the same issue? Do we act out of love and restrain ourselves despite our “freedoms” so that it doesn’t distress them? Do we even know where we stand on these issues? Are we fully convinced in our minds so that we can know that what we are doing comes from our faith? This is what we are going to consider today.
Questions:
1. Does this topic trigger any thoughts or other
Bible verses?
2. Can you think of any more gray areas? Confusing or challenging Bible verses? Write them down.
3. What kinds of positions have people taken on
these gray areas or Bible verses?
Discuss any that you want to explore.
And what is your position on them?
(This may take up the bulk of your time.
Explore them together and see if it helps you figure out where you stand
on them.)
4. Have you run across conflict over gray areas? Known people who respond poorly when it comes
to gray areas and differing opinions?
5. Why might we have a hard time accepting
someone else’s position if it differs from ours?
6. Does a Christian’s position on the gray areas
reflect their level of spiritual maturity?
7. What determines if it is sin or not in
someone’s life? What should be our guide
in figuring this out?
8. How can we tell if we are sliding into sin in
a gray area? Are there any cues that we
need to be alert for? Any examples from
your life?
9. What things are not gray areas that some
people (and maybe even Christians) treat as gray areas?
10. We looked at this before, but how would you
define “tolerance”? How does the world?
11. How does the world view Christians who
believe in “right and wrong” and who stand up for what’s right?
12. Why might Christians be afraid to take a
stand? What are some issues worth taking
a stand on? And what might be the
consequences of doing so?
13. How have some Christians taken a stand in
less-than-appropriate ways or in ways that reflect badly on God? And how have some done it well? What should be some guiding principles to
help us know how and when to take a stand?
14. Does the Romans passage above make it sound
like “eat meat” or “don’t eat meat” is the better one? Is
there a better one? Or are both equal in
the eyes of the Lord? What other issues
can this be applied to?
15. How would you sum up the Romans passage? What are some overriding principles that we
can glean from it? How can we apply
them? (Think up examples.)
16. What does it mean to “not put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way”?
What kinds of stumbling blocks or obstacles might we put in people’s way,
and how?
17. What do you think it means that it’s better
to not do “anything else that might cause your
brother to fall”?
What about the fact that someone is always watching what we do, and we
don’t know who it might stumble? Wouldn’t
this mean that every Christian should be operating according to the faith of
the weakest brother who stumbles the easiest or who gets distressed the
quickest? Is this even possible or is it
taking it to extremes? How do we balance
our freedom to do things (if our conscience is clean before God) and the
distress our brother might feel about our choices? Can you think of examples?
18. “Blessed is the man
who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But the man who has doubts is condemned if he
eats, because his eating is not from faith . . .” What do you think this means and
how can we apply it to our lives?
Examples?
19. What does “everything that
does not come from faith is sin” mean? And what does it mean for our lives? Examples?
20. Consider the verse that says that it’s sin if
we don’t do the things we know we should do.
What kinds of “good things” do we fail to do? Why do we fail to do them? How can this be taken to an unhealthy
extreme? (Personal examples?)
21. What is the balance between calling others up
to righteousness (challenging them about their position on a gray area) and not
interfering in their choices at all? Is
there ever a time that we should be speaking up at all about someone else’s
choices, especially when God says that we have to all decide about these gray
areas in our own hearts, before Him?
22. What are some scenarios when it might be
appropriate to speak up? Do you have any
examples from your life?
(Imagine something like
this: You have a good Christian friend who drinks at the bars with
non-believers. Or maybe one who is
dating a non-Christian. Is it your
responsibility as a fellow believer to challenge them about the wisdom or
godliness of such a decision? If yes,
how? If no, is it possible that a fellow
believer is in sin and you are not following Galatians 6:1: “Brothers, if someone is caught in sin, you who are spiritual should
restore him gently.”?
When and how should this verse be applied? Come up with some scenarios and possible ways
to handle them.)
23. Have you ever had to challenge a fellow
Christian about a gray area (or a not-so-gray-area)? What happened?
24. Has anyone ever challenged you? How did it go? And would you have handled it differently if
you were the one doing the challenging?
25. Is God challenging you about anything related
to this topic?
26. Do you have any other thoughts to share or
questions you want to explore?
27. Thinking back on this whole study, is there
anything that you want to talk about?
What in this study affected you the most?
28. Where do you think you are going to go from
here in your physical life and spiritual life?
29. As I suggested in an earlier section, is
there any challenge that you feel God might be prompting you to try as an
individual or as a group? Will you
commit to it?
Thank you for participating in this Bible study. I hope it was as fun and inspiring and
challenging for you to do as it was for me to write. God bless you all as you go forward from
here! And I look forward to meeting you
all someday when we finally make it Home!
Take care and God bless!
Sincerely,
Heather (Sweetly Broken Girl)