Now, of course, just dealing with all of the confidence-crushing trials would have been enough to bring me to my knees. Learning that I wasn’t in control and that I couldn’t handle things on my own drove me to God. Realizing that I needed God as my Heavenly Father - and not just as “God” - opened my heart to Him and His healing touch.
Anyway, all of these times were disturbing (and exhausting, because it really ruined many good nights of sleep. Not to mention that I began to be afraid of going to bed, so my nights were rather uncomfortable.). But the most disturbing times were the ones that happened when I was fully awake. If I wanted to, I could write off the ones that woke me up from sleep as “residual bad dreams.” (Although, I really couldn’t. I knew what they were.) But the ones that happened when I was fully awake crossed a boundary for me. Now, not only were my nights/dreams vulnerable, but so were my days.
I had learned to lean on and rely on Jesus in a way I never did before. And once I found this strength in Jesus, these experiences seemed less like harassment and disturbances, and more like . . . well, disruptions. Disruptions to a good night’s sleep.