1 John 4:15-18: “If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love.... There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
“The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” Unhealthy fears (such as the fear of the future, of being a failure, of not getting what we need/want, of being “unworthy” or “not good enough,” of what other people think, of praying wrong, of being abandoned by God, etc.) show that we’re not living in His love, that we don’t see Him clearly as He is, that we haven’t learned to let Him be the God He is, that we don’t really trust Him and haven’t really let Him fully into our hearts. There are still walls there somewhere, hurts that make us recoil from Him, that make us rely on ourselves, that make us feel like He couldn’t really love us. And where there are walls, there is distance. Where there is distance, there is fear - which leads to more walls, more distance, more fear, and the cycle continues.
To have the most solid, fulfilling relationship with Him possible, it’s most important to correctly understand God’s true nature, particularly His holiness/justice and His love. These are two sides of the same coin. Without either one, He wouldn’t be the God He is. And we need a biblical, balanced view of these two things if we’re going to really know Him, to trust Him enough to let Him love us, heal us, care for us, and guide us in life. (His holiness includes His justice. It’s because He’s so holy that He has to demand justice for the wrongs we do.)
God’s holiness, His justice, is what hates sin and what requires a penalty for our sins, for breaking His laws. A judge who lets lawbreakers go free without making them pay the penalty for their crimes would not be a good, just judge. We couldn’t trust a judge like that. Society would be chaos if there were no laws about what’s right and wrong, no penalties for breaking laws, and if lawbreakers weren’t held accountable. We would have no faith in those kinds of judges (or society) to do their job right, to keep their word, to maintain order, to do the right thing for everyone, or to protect society and law-keeping citizens.
Likewise, if God was unjust – if He didn’t distinguish between good and evil, or punish disobedience, or require a penalty for our sins but just let mankind get away with breaking His laws – then we couldn’t trust Him to do what’s best, to keep His Word, to maintain order, to take care of us properly, to punish evil, to work good out of bad, or to make all things right again in the end. An unjust God can’t be trusted and wouldn’t deserve our love, worship, or loyalty.
God’s justice – His holiness, His standards of right and wrong, His wrath against evil – is what requires a penalty for our sins. But … God’s love is what paid it. God loved us so much that, even though He had to require a penalty for sin, He didn’t want to punish us, to hurt us, to lose us forever. And so after pronouncing the penalty for our sins, He took off the judge’s robe, came around to where we stood, and paid the penalty He required (death), the penalty we owed for our sins. It was the only way to maintain and to demonstrate His justice and His love: to first require a penalty for our sins and then to pay it Himself.
Because of our sins and because of His holiness/justice, we are guilty of breaking His laws. But because of God’s love, we can be set free from the penalty for our sins and have eternal life - because Jesus paid the price for us by dying in our place! When Jesus, in His last few breaths on the cross, said “It is finished,” He may as well have been saying “Paid in full.” The penalty for our sins was paid in full with Jesus’s blood. And so we can be free!
Romans 5:8; 8:1: “But God demonstrated his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us…. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
1 Peter 2:24: “He himself bore his sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wound you have been healed.”
God’s holiness is what makes us properly fear Him (respect Him, honor Him, stand in awe of Him, obey Him) and fall down in humility at His feet. But God’s love is what picks us up, draws us close, and makes us fall into His arms. Because God is both just and loving, we can be saved and we can trust Him. We can trust a God of justice who punishes sin, but who’s also so merciful and loving that He would take the ultimate punishment on Himself, in our place. (Of course, there will still be earthly, temporary consequences for our sins, but God paid the eternal price for them to get us into heaven, to bring us eternal healing.) Without either of these – His justice and His love - God would not be the good, perfect, trustworthy God He is. And so it’s no wonder Satan seeks to throw this out of balance, to twist our view of God’s justice or love, to get us to focus on one over the other. An unbalanced view of God’s character leads to trouble.
If we overemphasize His justice, we’ll see Him as a harsh, demanding, wrathful God and be terrified of Him, unable to trust Him because we doubt His goodness. And this will cause us to either hide from Him or to desperately try to please Him, being afraid of what will happen if we don’t. But if we overemphasize His love, we’ll see Him as a weak, wimpy, permissive God whom we don’t really respect or fear, a God who exists only to make us happy and give us what we want. And this will lead to a casual attitude towards Him, lazy obedience, and self-centered living as we turn Him into whatever kind of “god” we want Him to be, one who serves/worships us instead of us serving/worshipping Him. (America’s spiritual problem these days!)
[And we’ll be doing just fine with this “god of love” as long as life goes smoothly. But when something goes wrong, our whole theology will fall apart as we find ourselves wondering “What kind of a loving God would allow something like that? A loving God wouldn’t ...” And we’ll be tempted to turn away from Him because He didn’t do what we thought He would do. Because He wasn’t the God we thought He was. But it’s not God who’s the problem. It’s our expectations of Him, our misunderstanding of Him, our made-up version of Him that’s the problem. But if we want our faith to deepen and grow, especially during the hard times, we need to get to know who He really is, as He is in His Word, not as we want Him to be in our own minds. A god of our own imagination is no god at all and will eventually fail us.]
Overemphasizing His Love
Some of us have shrunk God’s holiness/justice and focus solely on His love. Unbelievers and even many churches/Christians are doing this – minimizing God’s holiness/justice/wrath, telling people what they want to hear so that they don’t feel convicted about or ashamed of their sins. They say things like, “God is a God of love. It’s all about the love. He just wants you to be happy. And as long as you’re loving others, you’re doing all that God requires, and you’re okay. He loves all His children, and we’re all going to heaven.”
Yes, it’s important to love others. But contrary to what many think, that’s not the greatest commandment. Matthew 22:37-39: "Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
It’s “love God” first, then “love others.” And to love God is not just to think fondly of Him or to like Him a whole lot; it’s to obey Him.
“This is love for God: to obey His commands.” (1 John 5:3)
“If you love me, you will obey what I command.” (John 14:15)
“And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands.” (2 John 1:6)
[Also note John 1:12: “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” All people are God’s creation, but only those who believe in Jesus, who receive Him as Lord and Savior, are His children.]
If you’re not obeying God, if you’re not putting Him and His commands first, if you’re letting the world tickle your ears with what you want to hear (the things that excuse your sins and let you live however you want), then you don’t really love God as much as you’ve convinced yourself you do. How different this is from the wishy-washy, lovey-dovey, man-centered, “do what you want, it’s all about you” theology going around out there these days! God is not just a God of love, but a God of holiness, justice, and wrath too. And forgetting this can be disastrous.
If we overemphasize God’s love ...
… we’ll think He’s a relaxed, permissive God who just wants us to be happy.
… we won’t properly fear Him and, consequently, we’ll have a casual attitude toward Him, His Word, sin, prayer, obedience, etc.
… we’ll be living life for ourselves, focused on our own desires, plans, and happiness, instead of being concerned about God’s plans, obeying Him, or seeking righteousness/holiness.
… we’ll think too highly of ourselves, as if God exists for our pleasure, to give us what we want, and as if He’s satisfied with whatever little scraps we throw Him.
… we’ll live like we sit on the throne of our lives, relying on our own strength, wisdom, and skills to get things done, to make life work out the way we want.
… we’ll forget that God is a mysterious Being who is far above us, who’s in control over all, who doesn’t have to answer to us or do things our way. Instead, we’ll think of Him as a “code” to be cracked, and prayer as a “formula” to get what we want. And so if we can just act right and pray right then God has to give us what we want, right?
This overemphasis on God’s love (this view of Him as a soft, squishy, permissive, man-serving God) needs to be humbled by, broken by, His holiness and glory. And to do this, God often allows pain and trials into our lives - to show us that we’re not as great, as self-sufficient, as faithful, as God-honoring as we thought we were, to show us that we’ve become too big in our own eyes and God has become too small, to bring us to our knees before Him.
[And sometimes God accomplishes this simply by giving us what we want, by handing us over to our own selves, our own stubbornness, sinfulness, desires, greed, selfishness, hate, lust, pride, etc. And we bring our own painful consequences on ourselves, causing us to hurt so badly that we have no choice but to cry out to Him, to need Him. God lets us dig ourselves into holes so deep that the only way out is to look up, to reach for Him. “They exchanged the truth of God for a lie … Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts…. Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done.” (Romans 1:25-28). Getting what you want isn’t always God’s blessing; sometimes it’s a punishment.]
We need to start seeing God as the big, magnificent, glorious, terrifying but good, perfectly-holy God that He is – the sovereign and mighty God who deserves our worship, praise, obedience, respect, awe, and healthy fear. We’re not in control of our lives like we like to think we are. We’re not all-knowing or all-powerful. We’re not self-sufficient. It’s not all about us and our happiness. We’re not the “little gods” we think we are. And God will do what needs to be done to get us to learn this. And sometimes this means removing everything we rely on, outside of Him, stripping us of every sense of control we thought we had, of the pleasures we pursue, of the plans we made for ourselves. But He doesn’t so this to hurt us, but to help us - to help us know that He is God and we are not, that we are so little and He is so big, that we’re helpless without Him and that we need Him desperately, daily, and that it’s all about Him. To help us have the best lives, eternity, and relationship with Him possible.
Psalm 46:10: “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
Our overinflated views of ourselves need to be shattered, shrunk, broken before we can see His holiness and glory, before we can experience Him for the magnificent God that He is. And the trials in our lives do that. They throw us off the throne, and we land at His feet. If we haven’t been brought to our knees or our faces before God - if we haven’t become keenly, distressingly aware of our sinful natures and our neediness, our dependence on Him - then we haven’t been humbled by God’s glory and holiness yet.
As I went through my humbling trials - as I learned just how magnificent He is and how weak, helpless, and needy I am - I became so tiny in comparison. I was trembling at the foot of the mountain with the Israelites as they experienced the immensity, the power, and the mystery of God. And I learned that I needed a God like this in my life: One who was so much bigger and stronger and wiser than me that He could handle what I couldn’t, One who (although I tried) could not be figured out like a formula or forced into doing what I wanted Him to do. I don’t want a God that I can shrink or put in a box, a God who can be totally figured out or easily manipulated by me. He is much bigger and more mysterious and holy than that. And that’s okay with me. During the painful trials, I was humbled by - broken by - His holiness, His glory!
Maybe this is part of the reason why God seems so silent, hidden, and unresponsive in our hardest trials and longest waits: to force us to decide if we’ll turn our backs on Him, if we’ll remain half-hearted, “what’s-in-it-for-me” Christians … or if we’ll commit to Him fully, in faith, in trust, even though He’s mysterious, confusing, and sometimes frustrating. To force us to decide if we want to be our own gods or if we want Him to be God. And to teach us that – if we choose Him as God – He cannot be put in our boxes or be controlled/manipulated by us.
And isn’t this exactly what most of us get hung up on in a crisis of faith? But a god that can be totally understood or slightly controlled/manipulated by us is not really God at all. I’m learning that He’s supposed to be confusing and mysterious. Because His ways are higher than my ways. His understanding is higher than my understanding. And it’s okay if I’m confused. I don’t need to have Him all figured out. He is God and I am not. And I need to be okay with that. It needs to be enough for me that He knows it all, that He’s in control, that He is just and holy and faithful and good, and that He loves me. And I think that’s quite comforting, much more than trying to rely on myself and to handle everything on my own.
Here are some verses about God’s holiness, justice, and His wrath against sin:
Isaiah 6:3: “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of His glory.”
Exodus 15:11: “Who among the gods is like you, O Lord? Who is like you – majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working in wonders?”
Deuteronomy 32:4: “He is the Rock, his ways are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.”
Ezekiel 36:23: “I will show the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations … Then the nations will know that I am the Lord, declares the Sovereign Lord, when I show myself holy through you before their eyes.”
Romans 1:18: “The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness”
Colossians 3:5-6: “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.”
Colossians 3:25: “Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there is no favoritism.”
Romans 12:19: “… ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
Overemphasizing His justice/wrath
Now onto the other side of the coin: If we overemphasize His holiness, justice, and wrath, and fail to grasp the reality of and immensity of His love for us ...
… we’ll believe that He’s a harsh, demanding God and be terrified of Him, desperately seeking to appease Him because we’re afraid of what will happen if we don’t (or we’ll just walk away from Him because we don’t want that kind of God).
… we’ll try harder and harder to be the “good Christian,” trying to earn His love by improving our attitude, praying “right,” serving more, being better, sacrificing more, etc. And it will be exhausting and discouraging. (The harder we work for His love, the less able we are to embrace the love that’s already there.)
… we’ll always be afraid of letting Him down, of being a burden to Him, of being abandoned by Him, of being punished by Him every time we disappoint Him.
… we won’t be able to trust Him with our hearts, our futures, our pain, and so we won’t run to Him when we hurt or trust Him enough to lean on Him or really need Him. We’ll spend our lives trying to protect ourselves, to take care of ourselves. (Because … how could He really love me, just for me? Warts and all? How could Anyone really want to care about me?). And so we’ll never know real comfort, security, peace, joy, help, healing, or wholeness.
And all the time, we won’t be relating to Him out of love - His love for us and our love for Him. We’ll be relating to Him out of fear, fear of what He’ll do to us if we fail Him.
We need to have healthy, proper fear of God, of course. One that shows we respect Him, that we’re humbling ourselves before Him, honoring Him as God of our lives. But some of us live in a very unhealthy fear of Him. One that makes us just plain afraid that He’ll never be pleased with us, that we don’t deserve His love, that we’ll earn His wrath if we do it wrong. We can’t just accept His love; we feel we have to earn it. And this keeps us busy doing more, always trying to be better, polishing ourselves up more, running around looking for new ways to please Him, yet we’re never able to feel His unconditional love, to let it into our hurting hearts. Because to us, His love is based on our performance. So we exhaust ourselves trying to say the right words, think holy thoughts, follow the Bible just right, look like the “good child.”
And sometimes, God puts us in the “furnace” – the painful trials that expose our fears, assumptions, misconceptions, etc. – to bring us to the point of beautiful, painful, necessary exhaustion, to break us of the unhealthy things that get in the way of our relationship with Him, to teach us that all our frantic efforts cannot earn His love because His love cannot be earned. If Satan can keep us striving so hard to earn something that’s always already available for the taking, we’ll never stop striving long enough to simply reach out and grab it, to embrace it.
When I used to read the Bible, all I would zero in on was His wrath and reasons to be afraid of Him. Obviously, because of my own walls and fears. But as God helped heal those, the other side of Him came alive for me, too. And as I started to get a more well-rounded view of who He really is, I began to see His mercy and love, instead of just His rules, restrictions, and anger. Instead of just noticing how He wiped out a city, I began to see how, in His great mercy and love, He reached down to save one righteous man and his family before He unleashed His wrath. I saw how when He fought on behalf of His people, He did so completely, oftentimes losing none of His people while totally obliterating the enemy. I saw how He would relent from destroying a whole city because of one righteous person. “Go up and down the streets of Jerusalem, look around and consider, search through her squares. If you can find but one person who deals honestly and seeks the truth, I will forgive this city.” (Jeremiah 5:1). God cares enough about us as individuals to notice one righteous person out of so many wicked people, to act out of His merciful love for that one righteous person, instead of out of His justice for a whole city of unrighteous people.
Because of my overemphasis on His wrath, I had always missed out on what it means to know that “God is love.” God loves us because that’s who He is. He doesn’t love us because of what we do for Him or because of how well we do it or because of who we are or because we deserve it. He loves us because He is love. He loves us because we are His. It’s not about us - about our attempts to earn His love or to pull it out of Him. It’s about Him - about accepting the fact that He loves us unconditionally, already, as we are, because of who He is.
Our attempts to earn His love, forgiveness, grace, mercy, or blessings will not work. (That is “religion.”) And the reason it won’t work is because that stuff is already freely available to us, if only we will reach out and grab it. But as long as Satan keeps us blind to who God really is and what’s already available to us, he can keep us busy trying to earn something that we could never earn. We can never earn God’s love or mercy or grace or forgiveness, but that’s okay. Because it’s offered to us anyway, and all we have to do is accept it.
Lamentations 3:22-24: "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"
2 Timothy 1:8-9: “So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life – not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.”
Ephesians 2:8-9: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.” (Salvation is the gift, offered to all, and whoever accepts it will be saved. We are saved not because we earn it or “deserve” it or because of anything we do – not by works. But we can be saved, despite our sins, because He wants us to be saved, because He is full of grace and mercy and love.)
A Balanced View
I think one of Satan’s greatest tools for tripping up non-Christians and Christians alike is to get us to focus on His wrath or His love too much. And so I think putting us in the refining fire, the “furnace,” is one of the most loving and merciful things God could do. Because this causes us (if we are thoughtful about it) to face our fears, walls, sins, doubts, pride, expectations, and misconceptions. And as we do that, we begin to open our hearts a little more to the Holy Spirit, to allow in God’s truth and healing and love, to see ourselves for who we really are and to see God for who He really is. (That is, of course, unless we choose to run from the work of the Holy Spirit. Which many people do.)
I wonder if the difficult circumstances of life, the inner struggles we go through, are God’s way of asking us a question: “What do you really think about Me and about yourself?”
There’s probably a part in all of us that needs to be broken by (a healthy kind of broken) God’s holiness and justice, so that we can begin to see Him for who He really is, His power and authority and greatness, to help us properly fear Him and respect Him. But then there’s a deeper, more elusive part of us – the damaged, hurting, fearful, insecure part that we hide- which needs to be broken in a different way. It’s not the part that’s too big in our own eyes, but the part that believes we’re too small in God’s eyes, that thinks God couldn’t possibly care about us. It’s the part that doesn’t need to be reminded of His justice but of His love, that needs to know that God loves us anyway and offers us grace and mercy, in spite of our sins and the messes we make.
God made us knowing we would sin, and yet He loved us enough to find a way to remove our sins from His sight. Out of enormous love for us (in spite of our sins and because of them), Jesus came here to take the punishment for us so that we wouldn’t be eternally separated from our heavenly Father. God loved us so much that He made a way for us to have a genuine relationship with Him. Because He wants a relationship with us. And this is the theme of the whole Bible. This is the heart of the matter: God’s love made a way! God loves us not based on what we deserve, but because of who He is. He is love. He loves us just because we are His. And - I don’t know - but I wonder if the greatest act of humble gratitude we could ever offer to God is not to keep trying harder to be a “good Christian,” but to simply believe Him when He says He loves us, to reach out and grab ahold of the love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness He offers us. The gifts that Jesus bought for us with His blood.
If I had to briefly explain how to live out a biblical, balanced view of Him, I might say this: It’s knowing we don’t deserve His love, forgiveness, grace or mercy but it’s humbly grabbing ahold of them anyway as the free gifts they are, it’s trusting that if He loves us enough to die for us then He’ll also take care of us, and it’s living out our loving gratitude the rest of our lives, seeking to honor and glorify Him above all because of all He’s done for us.
If we don’t have a healthy fear of Him, of His holiness and justice, then we aren’t really loving Him or relating to Him for who He is but for who we want Him to be instead. But if we don’t have a healthy view of His love then we’ll be afraid of Him and will miss out on the healing, comforting relationship He wants to have with us.
We have to begin seeing Him for who He really is if we’re ever going to learn to live in His love and to have a healthy fear of Him. And to do this, I think it’s crucial to deliberately, thoughtfully explore the fears, walls, misconceptions, expectations, and doubts that we’ve grown up with or adopted along the way. We need to expose them, instead of trying to talk ourselves out of them or to run from them or hide them (which only makes them stronger). We need to admit them to God and to ourselves, and to seek His help in replacing them with His Truths. And so I will once again present a lot of questions for reflection. Take your time with these. Always pray before you work through them. Pray that the Holy Spirit shows you the true condition of your heart and helps you to see God’s Truth. And journal them, if you want. These may be painful insights, but they will be precious and valuable.
Some verses that show both His justice/holiness and His love working together:
Psalm 89:14: “Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; love and faithfulness go before you.”
Psalm 33:18, 20-21: "But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those who hope in his unfailing love…. We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name."
Romans 6:23: “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 3:23-26: “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice … at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.”
Isaiah 53:5: “But He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.”
John 3:16-18: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.”
Challenge:
If you want to, write a letter to God (for your eyes only or to share with a trusted friend). Put into it whatever you’ve always wanted to say or ask or confess or scream. Put in all the doubts, fears, questions, things you’re angry about, things that have hurt you, etc. - whatever is on your heart and mind. And then, turn it into a prayer to God, preferably out loud. Don’t edit it to make it sound prettier or more godly. Just be honest. He can handle it! He can handle (and He wants) the honesty and the raw feelings. He wants you - as you are. Not some polished, phony version of you. The more real you are with Him, the more you open up your hurting heart to Him and the more He can heal it. (If you have trouble answering the Questions for Reflection, look at this letter you wrote to Him for any insight. And you may want to save this letter and make it a regular practice, writing a new “letter to God” every year. It’s up to you.)
Example Prayer for Letting God Closer:
Lord, I want to know You as You really are. And I want to know how you really see me. I’m tired of living as a prisoner to my fears, doubts, lies, misconceptions, expectations, negative thinking, etc. Search my heart and help me see anything that I need to face, anything that’s off-track, that hurts me and my relationship with You. Replace these wayward things with Your comfort, peace, joy, and Truth. I thank You that You are God, and so I don’t have to be. I can lean on You. You are in control. You will hold me up. You will give me the help, mercy, and grace that I need to get through life. Fill my life with those things right now, with more of You, and surround me with Your heavenly angels to keep me safe from evil. In Jesus’ name, Amen (After praying, spend some time listening to Him, even over the next days and weeks.)
Questions for Reflection (there will be some redundancy, but that’s okay):
1. Is there anything in this section that stood out to me? Why?
2. What is my view of God? (Not the Bible’s view or the “good Christian’s” view, but my deep-down view.) The good and bad, the pretty and ugly, the clear ideas and confusing ones? What are my fears about God? My doubts? Is there anything the Bible says about Him that I can’t grasp or understand, and why? [Write it all down, talk it all over with God, and remember that He can handle the honesty. He knows it already. He’s just been waiting for you to admit it.]
3. Do I really believe God is a God of love, peace, grace, mercy, forgiveness, faithfulness, etc.? That He can be trusted, loves me, wants the best for me, and will take care of me? Why or why not? (And do I live like I believe these things, or not? In what ways?) [This is not about what you’re “supposed” to say or what the Bible says. It’s about what’s really in your heart.]
4. Do any of the following “wrong views of God” describe how I see or relate to God? (There can be more than one.) How does it affect my faith, my heart, and my life? (If none fit, think up your own description. Fill in the blank: “I tend to picture (or treat) God as …”)
a. A Harmless, Senile, Old Man - This god has rules but doesn’t enforce them. He sits in his rocker, uninvolved in the world down here. And so we get comfortable, all focused on our own little life, with little regard for obedience or seeking righteousness. We might really like him, but we don’t love or respect him enough to live for him.
b. A Smiling, Doting Grandfather - This god showers us with treats, winks at sin, lets us bend the rules, giggles about the “harmless mischief” we get into now and then. As long as we’re happy and having fun, right? And so we’re not too concerned with our sins, with holiness or building God’s kingdom or the souls of others. We’re just focused on enjoying today. Gotta live it up while we can!
c. A Harsh, Demanding Father - This god is just waiting for us to step out of line so that he can - ZAP! - smack us with a lightning bolt. He’s all about the rules and keeping tight, strict control. He doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh, and never ever hugs. And we exhaust ourselves more and more every day trying to keep our balance on the Christian-tightrope. There is no joy or peace or fun, only fear and so many rules to follow.
d. An Absent Father - This god just isn’t there, but we’re always looking for him - for Someone to heal our hurts, to help us through life, to love us for who we are. But there’s No One there. No One to catch us when we fall or to hold us when we hurt. No One who cares about what we’re going through or who will fix what’s broken. And, oh, how it hurts! But whatever, that’s okay, we can do without. We’ve learned to take care of ourselves.
e. A Busy, Distracted Father - This god doesn’t care. He’s got his own things (or so many other people) to worry about that we’re just too far down on his list. If we want any attention, we have to earn it. And we have to maintain it with our many efforts, our “good performance” and rule-following. If we please him, he smiles at us. And if we don’t, he shuns us. We’re always working for - yet never resting in - his love.
f. A Dictator – We’re here only for him, to do his bidding. We’re worthless lumps that should just be happy to serve him. We’re the doormats he wipes his feet on, the clay he smooshes for his own amusement. And, by golly, we should just be thankful for even that much. And there is never any hope of having a loving, genuine, two-way relationship with him because he only cares about using us in whatever way he wants, for his purposes.
g. A Loyal Servant - God is only here for me, to do my bidding. He loves me, loves me, loves me, and I am the center of His universe. And so he’s just waiting around to give me what I want. I can just focus on my life and do my own thing, and whenever I need him, he’s there for me. And he’s happy to do it because life is all about me!
h. A Jokester/Scientist – This god is just messing around with us. He’s a cosmic jokester who thinks it’s fun to mess with people’s lives, just to see what they do. Or he’s like a scientist who tests us just for fun, poking at us until we cry, causing us pain just to see what happens. We don’t mean that much to him. We’re just his experiments, his play-things, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Why would I want a relationship with a god like that anyway?
i. The Quitter - He gave up on me a long time ago because I just can’t seem to get my act together. He quit on me and doesn’t even try to reach for me anymore because I’ve disappointed him too many times. He could never love someone like me, and I deserve it!
j. The Rejected One – Who cares about God? What has he ever done for me anyway? Don’t need Him. Never did. I can handle life myself just fine, thankyouverymuch.
5. Why do I view Him this way? What contributed to this view (the events in my past that created my doubts, fears, questions, misconceptions, expectations of God, etc.)? Does my view of God resemble the way I view/relate to my mother or father? If so, how?
6. What are my expectations of God, of faith? What happens when those expectations aren’t met? How do I feel about God right now, and why? Am I angry at Him, disappointed in Him, afraid of Him, etc.? [He already knows it all anyway, so don’t be afraid to admit it in prayer. Honesty loosens the hold it has on you. And ask God in prayer about what expectations you should have of Him and which you need to let go of. Find verses to back you up.]
7. Do I feel (deep down) like I have to earn His love, forgiveness, attention, etc.? Like He expects too much out of me? Like He’s unfair? Like He doesn’t really care about me? Do I trust that He’s really good and loving? Finish the sentence “I think that God …” as many times as needed. Why do I feel this way? What in my past caused or contributed to these thoughts or feelings? And how do they affect my life, my heart, my faith, and the way I relate to Him?
8. What do I think God thinks of me? Why? [No pat answers or “proper” answers, but honest feelings and thoughts. Turn it into prayer, asking God to heal your wounds and to help you see yourself the way He does.]
9. How does the world define and show love? How do I? How does God? (Find verses.) What does this mean for me, my faith, and my life?
10. What is “holiness”? How does it relate to God’s justice? (Find verses.) What does this mean for me, my faith, and my life?
11. If we overemphasize His love and underemphasize His justice, how might we live and treat God/other people? How about if we overemphasize His justice and underemphasize His love?
12. How does an unbalanced view of His love and holiness/justice hurt us and our faith, our relationship with Him and with others, and our Christian witness to other people?
13. If we overemphasize His justice/wrath, how might trials, hard times, and “unanswered” prayers affect our hearts and faith? What about if we overemphasize His love? Is God worthy of praise, even when we’re in pain? Why does pain make it so hard to praise God? How does our thinking need to change for us to be able to do this?
14. Do I have a tendency to overemphasize one or the other? What caused this unbalance? How has it affected me, my life, my relationships, my faith? And how have trials, hard times, and “unanswered” prayer affected my faith and my views of God and myself? [Ask God what you should do about it.]
15. Why is it important to have a holy, just God? In what ways should we fear His holiness and justice? In what ways should it comfort us? How should it make us live? (Find verses.)
16. What does it mean to “fear” God? What are some differences between a healthy fear of God and an unhealthy fear? How might each one, in general, make us live? How would they affect our faith and relationship with Him? Can we talk ourselves out of unhealthy fears? If not, how can we get past them? (Ask God His opinion on this too.)
17. How might our pursuit of our own happiness/plans/security/etc. affect our understanding of and relationship with God? Do we use God’s love to excuse our sins? Do I? Why is it necessary for God to discipline us sometimes? How might He do it? Should we resent it?
18. Has God ever had to strip me of my assumptions, fears, sins, misconceptions, expectations, wrong views of Him/faith/myself, etc.? To bring me to my knees? How did He do it, what did I learn, and how did it affect me, my faith, and my relationship with Him?
19. Why does God love us and pour grace out on us, and how did/does He show it? Can His love or grace be earned? (If we could earn it, would it really be love or grace anymore?)
20. How do we (I) try to earn His love and grace sometimes? How does this affect our (my) life, heart, and faith? Why do we (I) have such a hard time accepting it as a gift? [Compile verses about God’s love and grace. Which are your favorite and why? Share this with others.]
21. What prevents people from letting their walls down, from letting His love and grace in? What about for me personally? And what are some consequences of rejecting God’s love/grace, of keeping it from fully entering our hearts? How can we let our walls down and let His healing love/grace in? What does God want to tell me about this or want me to do about it? (Pray, ask Him, and listen. And find verses that fit, if you can.)
22. One of Satan’s greatest tools for tripping us up is to get us to focus on either God’s justice/wrath or His love too much. What are some of Satan’s other tools for tripping us (me) up? And how can we (I) protect ourselves from them or fight against them? (Find verses.)
23. What would our lives look like (how would we live) if we had a proper fear of God’s justice but also fully embraced and lived in His love for us? What are some other characteristics of God? (Find verses) How should these affect our life and faith?
24. What are some ways I experience God’s love or times when I felt His grace the most? What kinds of things make me most aware of God’s magnificence, power, glory, and holiness? Is there any time, in particular, when my eyes were opened in a fresh awe of Him or when my heart filled to the brim with love for Him and His love for me?
25. What might interfere in our relationship with God, and how, and what effect does it have? How about for me personally? What can be done about it? (Ask God.)
26. What is my view of the supernatural/spirit world? What is my view of eternity? Do I live with enough, too much, or too little awareness of the spirit world? Of eternity?
[When it comes to angels, demons, the supernatural, and eternity, we can easily fall into one or the other: indifference or morbid fascination. Angels and demons are real. And the Bible makes that clear, which is why the armor of God in Ephesians 6 is so important. Yet how many of us stick our head in the sand when it comes to the ongoing spiritual battle? And the Bible also makes it clear that one day this world will pass away, and we will all stand before God to give an account for our lives. And where we spend eternity will be determined by our choice to accept or reject Jesus’s sacrifice for us. And if we chose to make Jesus our Lord and Savior, we will spend eternity in heaven. That is the only way to heaven. But our place in heaven – the position/role we’re given, the eternal rewards we receive - will also be affected by what we did for God, for His kingdom. These are the only things that will remain once everything else burns up. But how many of us live our lives for today, for temporary pleasures, instead of for eternity and for eternal treasures? Some of us are simply indifferent to the supernatural things.
But there is the equally disturbing condition of having too much interest in them. All you have to do is turn on the TV or walk around the bookstores to see society’s intense fascination with witchcraft, angels, demons, etc. Instead of remembering that angels are God’s messengers and are here to do His Will, we’ve turned them into things to be worshipped or controlled. And this SHOULD NEVER BE! Angels are never – EVER – to be worshipped or prayed to or “controlled” by us. Heavenly angels are here to glorify God and to do His Will, not to be praised themselves or to obey our commands. And demons are fallen angels that we should never seek to contact or control. Their main purpose is to destroy the things of God, to prevent as many people as possible from coming to Him. And so it shouldn’t surprise us that if we show an interest in them or try to contact them, they will oftentimes disguise themselves as “good” beings who are here to do what we want. But they are simply toying with us, trying to draw us in deeper and deeper, until we’re too ensnared to get out. This is why I’m so bothered by all the seemingly “harmless,” “all in good fun” entertainment out there that centers on magic, witchcraft, vampires, etc. This stuff is not harmless fun. It is a gateway! A snare! A trap! And it’s geared toward children and young people. And that is scary.
We need to know what the Bible says about angels and demons if we’re gonna have a proper understanding of them and a godly response to them and the things that pertain to them. (Compile verses about this.) And we need to be living our lives focused on the things that have eternal value. Because everything else will burn up in the end.
So let me ask you this: If your priorities never change, what will be left when your works pass through the fire? Will you have the joy of hearing, “Well done, good and faithful servant”? And don’t worry: Even if no one else sees or appreciates the things you do for the Lord, God does. He sees your heart, your motives, your sacrifices and efforts for Him, and He will reward it in the end. The things you do for Him now are building the kind of eternity you will enjoy.]
27. What are the pieces of spiritual armor? How do we “wear them” or “put them on”? How am I doing with each of them? And even though God Himself gave us the spiritual weapons we need to fight with, what other “weapons” do we (I) try to use instead? Does it work?
[Ephesians 6:10-18: “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm, then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.”]
28. What doubts, fears, misconceptions, assumptions, sins, lies, unreasonable expectations, feelings, thoughts, etc. (about God, myself, faith, life, or other people) is God asking me to lay down before Him right now? [Pray and ask God to reveal these to you. Then listen for His answers over the next days and weeks. When one comes up, confess it to Him and ask Him to heal it, to correct it, to take it from you. Also, find verses to get God’s view on these doubts, fears, lies, etc. Always replace wrong thinking with biblical truth. If you have a hard time accepting God’s truth, ask for His help and tell Him that you’ll take Him at His word, even if you don’t feel like it. You know how people say that seeing is believing. Well, sometimes God expects us to believe before we can see. That’s what makes it “faith.”]
29. What is faith really? (Find verses.) How should it affect us (me) and make us (me) live?
30. Is God telling me anything else about this topic (or anything else, in general)? (Pray about it.) What does He want me to do next or to face/deal with? (Pray for His help in doing this.)
Prayer:
If there’s anything He’s asking you to lay down before Him right now, do it in prayer. Confess the lies you’ve believed, the sins you’ve embraced or hidden, the fears, doubts, misconceptions, assumptions, or unreasonable expectations you’ve lived under, the hurts you’ve nursed, the grudges you’ve held, the walls you’ve maintained, etc. Ask God to replace them with His Truth and His healing. Thank Him for who He is, for the characteristics that make Him a good, trustworthy God. And even if you don’t “feel” His love, grace, forgiveness, mercy, healing, or Truth right now, tell Him that you’re gonna take Him at His word, that you’re gonna accept them anyway, that you’re gonna stand on the Bible, on His Word, instead of on your own feelings. “I do believe, Lord, but help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24) And ask Him to help make His love, grace, forgiveness, mercy, healing, and Truth a reality in your life. To help you embrace them, live them out, and to live in gratitude for them.
Bible Work:
Who is God really? How does He relate to people? And how does He really see us? Spend some time reading the Bible (and the verses we looked at), praying that God shows you the Truth about Him and you and what a life of faith is like. Write down all the revelations the Holy Spirit gives you as you read the Bible and pray. Write down what the verses mean to you and how they should affect your life and faith.
If we knew God as He really is, I think we’d realize that - even if life isn’t so good – He’s still a good, loving, faithful Father (but, yes, also mysterious, confusing, and sometimes frustrating). And if we knew how God really sees us, I think we’d realize that - even though we don’t “deserve” and can’t earn His love - we are loved more than we can imagine, even in our messiest moments. Because God created us, wants us, and Jesus died for us. We – you – are worth the price of Jesus’ blood, His life. And His incredible love and amazing grace should pull us closer to Him, even if we still have questions, pain, fears, and doubts. “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:68)
He is a God who doesn’t tolerate sin and has to punish it, but who loves us so much that He paid the eternal penalty for sin so that we could be forgiven and have eternal life. Not because we deserve it, but because He wants us with Him in heaven. He aches for the lost ones, but He’s decided to allow us to choose Him or reject Him. But even if we’ve walked away from Him, He continues to love us, to offer us forgiveness, to pursue us, and to wait for the moment we turn towards Him, even a little bit. And then He comes running to scoop us up in His arms. “Come near to God and he will come near to you.” (James 4:8)
He wants us to have the best life and eternity possible. But He knows we can’t have it if our hearts are closed off to Him, if we’re living selfish, self-sufficient, or disobedient lives. And so sometimes - in His “tough love” - He disciplines us or allows painful trials to break us, to force us to look up to Him, to lead us to ultimate healing and truth. “The Lord disciplines those he loves.” (Proverbs 3:12) He’s always waiting for us to realize we need Him, to call out to Him, no matter what kind of mess we’ve made of our lives. Because He cares about the path we walk and where we end up. If we take Him at His Word, humble ourselves before Him, and submit to Him, He can and will take control and work everything out for eternal good. "In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free.” (Psalm 118:5)
But the choice is ours. Will we believe Him and trust Him, even if we can’t fully understand Him? Will we obey Him, even if we don’t “feel like it”? Do we really want Him as God in our lives, or do we want to be our own gods? Is He big enough? Good enough? Strong enough? Do we really think we can do better?
Some more verses to consider:
Romans 10:17: “So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”
Hebrews 11:1,6: “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see… And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”
Proverbs 8:13: “To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.”
Psalm 25:14: “The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them.”
Proverbs 9:10: “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”
Matthew 10:28: “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”
Psalm 37:27-28: “Turn from evil and do good; then you will dwell in the land forever. For the Lord loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever, but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off.”
Proverbs 3:11-12, 12:1: “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in… Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.”
Hebrews 12:7,11: “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons… No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
2 Peter 2:9: “… the Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials and to hold the unrighteous for the day of judgment, while continuing their punishment.”
1 Peter 1:15-16: “But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: ‘Be holy, because I am holy.’” (Holiness is so important to God that He requires it of us too. The question then becomes, “What is holiness, and how can we ‘be holy’?” Find verses.)
Micah 6:8: “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (Justice is so important to God that He requires it of us too. And mercy. How can we live out these things?)
Titus 2:11-14: “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope – the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.”
2 Corinthians 12:9: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’”
Psalm 27:1: “The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?”
Hebrews 4:16: “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Romans 11:33-36: “O, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen”
For all the posts in this series, click here.
